We’ve got a weird forecast for the week as February comes to a close. Chances of “mixed precipitation,” actual snow, maybe some rain in some spots? It’s confusing. I can’t blame you if you’re scratching your head over what you should prepare for.
Fear not! Several years’ worth of Upstate New York winters has prepared me for weather events like these. I spent my entire undergrad on the edge of lake-effect snow territory, and followed that up with another 4 years in one of the snowiest cities in the country. Pre-COVID, my university rarely cancelled classes due to snow. Those who didn’t have a good pair of boots or 4-wheel drive probably transferred before the fall semester ended. And no, your acceptance letter didn’t come with either (though it’s not a bad idea).
(Photo taken during my first “real” lake-effect snowstorm. I still had to go to class.)
Before you ask- no, I am not a snow buff. Fate just landed me in places that get a lot of the white stuff. I could spend hours talking your ear off about all the times I scraped into work at 3am in a 20-year-old front-wheel drive hunk of metal, but that wouldn’t be exciting reading material. Trust me on this one.
The weather may be unpredictable, but preparedness is key to riding through any of these “will-it-or-won’t-it” weather systems. Here’s the best tips I can offer:
- When the temperature dips below 32° F/0° C, don’t turn on your taps.
- The pipes are frozen anyway. Why bother showering, doing dishes or laundry, or having a sneaky sip from the tap if they’re not even functioning? If anything, it’s a good excuse for putting off any of the above. You’ll get used to the funky smells eventually. Besides, paper plates are cheaper and it’s a great time to wear all those clothes that haven’t seen the light of day.
- Space heaters and generators are overrated. You’re not going to need them.
- Or candles, or blankets, or any of that junk. Staying warm is a mentality. See, in order to stay warm, you just have to think about your body temperature going up, degree by toasty degree. If you believe in the warmth, you will become one with the warmth. Oh, your fingers are turning purple? Your teeth are chattering? Get a grip. Just imagine sticking your feet into a sandy beach with the sun a-blazing some more. You’re just not thinking hard enough. Just don’t picture a refreshing margarita while you’re in your warm headspace. That’ll just make you colder.
- Toss out your scraper and snow brush.
- A controversial take, but hear me out. Most of those instruments aren’t necessary in Washington. In fact, they’re frowned upon. Did you know most scrapers and brushes are made out of plastic? In a state with such a high level of commitment to our environment? That’s not going to fly. Also, did you know that car manufacturers have been keeping a well-kept secret from the general public for decades? Turns out, you don’t have to scrape or defrost a damn thing! Your car will warm up the more you drive it, so a few laps around an empty parking lot should get you road-ready in no time. Also, it’s a great excuse to do some donuts so that stubborn roof snow makes its way off pretty quickly.
- Black ice patches aren’t as bad as you think.
- Black ice always gets a bad rap this time of year. It’s blamed for car crashes and a whole bunch of slip-and-fall injuries every single year. But people aren’t using those icy patches to their fullest advantage. They say “life imitates art,” and the creators of “Mario Kart” looked at the wintry terrains of this country for inspiration. Turns out that black ice spots are actually speed boosts. And they’ve been right under our wheels this entire time! All you need to do is speed up a little extra before you take on your next icy speed boost. It works like a charm (direction of travel not guaranteed after you get your boost).
- Save your kitty litter and sidewalk salt.
- The #1 cause of security deposit forfeiture in this country is cat accidents. Don’t bother wasting it on those elusive speed boosts- which work on human travel, too! Save your carpets, folks. Invest in another litter box instead. Also, sidewalk/road salt destroys road surfaces over time. They taste much better in soups and on steaks than fresh off the ground. Plus, you can get them in bulk for way cheaper than your local store. Just pop on over to your local DOT garage with a nice big bag and you’ll save yourself some grocery money in the long run.
There you have it. Using these time-tested tips kept me alive and well during those oft-tumultuous years. Just don’t ask me why my cholesterol is ridiculously high. I don’t think it has anything to do with my winter preparedness habits, but my doctor keeps insisting it’s a “salt issue.”
The post Beyond The Morning News – The Only Guide You’ll Need To Get Through Winter Weather appeared first on 790 KGMI.